11:34 PM Edit This 1 Comment »
I am oh-so overwhelmed,
While remaining ever-so underwhelming.
I am tired of working so hard.
But where are the fruits of my labor,
For me to eat and be sustained?
Empty girl, are you unfilled?
Is there a leak, are you a sink?
Or are you simply a vacuous wasteland:
Take love, take love take love take.
Return nothing.
It is burning a hole in the pocket that you do not have.
You had some
Resources, we call them.
You came with some and picked others up.
You put them in a backpack for later use,
Then broke the zipper.
What a fuckin waste.
Cry yourself to sleep again,
Wake up anxious and angry with yourself,
Have them tell you not to be so hard.
Don’t ever tell them that you know what you’ve wasted,
Because you know;
Better than them, you know.
Waste another minute.
Just one more, one more one more one.
Every time your heart beats, every tear breath nervous twitch second wasted thinking of a better word for this and then there is that thing over there you need to stop this stop this stop this stop
Breathe deeply,
Slowly,
Know that God forgives,
(How kind)
Fall asleep believing you have done all you could.
Wake up tomorrow,
Stomach sinking, teeth grinding, leg twitching.
What a shame, what a pity, what a waste.
A criminal to your own supposed system of the Right.
While remaining ever-so underwhelming.
I am tired of working so hard.
But where are the fruits of my labor,
For me to eat and be sustained?
Empty girl, are you unfilled?
Is there a leak, are you a sink?
Or are you simply a vacuous wasteland:
Take love, take love take love take.
Return nothing.
It is burning a hole in the pocket that you do not have.
You had some
Resources, we call them.
You came with some and picked others up.
You put them in a backpack for later use,
Then broke the zipper.
What a fuckin waste.
Cry yourself to sleep again,
Wake up anxious and angry with yourself,
Have them tell you not to be so hard.
Don’t ever tell them that you know what you’ve wasted,
Because you know;
Better than them, you know.
Waste another minute.
Just one more, one more one more one.
Every time your heart beats, every tear breath nervous twitch second wasted thinking of a better word for this and then there is that thing over there you need to stop this stop this stop this stop
Breathe deeply,
Slowly,
Know that God forgives,
(How kind)
Fall asleep believing you have done all you could.
Wake up tomorrow,
Stomach sinking, teeth grinding, leg twitching.
What a shame, what a pity, what a waste.
A criminal to your own supposed system of the Right.
1 comment:
Wow, awesome poem, C-Pat. I'm sure that my life is not nearly as intense as yours is, but I can definitely relate to a lot of the stuff you said. Last year (and continuing on this year, to a lesser degree) God revealed to me a deeper understanding of how "desperately wicked" my heart is, and how messed up of a person I really am. A lot of times when I would say terribly hurtful things to my best friends, I would feel like I was taking love, taking, taking but returning nothing. I would often be anxious and angry with myself; but whenever I would tell my friends how horrible of a person I was, they would say "Don't be so hard on yourself."
I don't know if this is similar to what you're going through; but it really helped me to realize that God does indeed forgive, and that when He looks at you, He doesn't see you the way that you are, but He sees Christ's absolutely perfect righteousness in which you are clothed. And in one sense, because you received Christ's righteousness and He took all your sins upon Himself, you have no right to call your sins yours any more, because they no longer belong to you, but to Him. Propitiation and expiation. All for our good, and for His glory.
AJ
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