WordArt

Okay, I’ve got my cup of coffee here, two--make that three-- creams (it’s strong today) and an equal packet (because your drink deserves equal). So yea, I know, it seems like it’s been forever. How have I been, um, on a scale… 1-6, okay, how about 5? (Because we all know that anyone who answers 6 on this scale is a bragging jerk, and that just couldn’t be me). Okay, so start at the beginning. Sorry, I don’t know where that is. How about the Middle. No, that stresses me out. The End? Too anticlimactic. Let’s just start. We’ll figure it out.

So things are good. I’m just working, because I finished school. Very exciting. I’ll be walking for my BA in Philosophy in May. Yep, totally pumped. It is weird. A strange change of pace after the last couple decades of going to school all the time. But so right. The timing is perfect. For the first time ever, I feel ready. For anything, everything. I just feel ready. Like the preparation is over in me, so now I’m kind of in that state of packing up my things, and deciding what to leave behind, and finding my way to wherever it is I’m going. What a cool place to be. Yes it is. Indeed.

I work at this military school with a bunch of young boys. Boys are funny. But it turns out God loves them a lot, so I have this great opportunity to let them in on that piece of reality. I start coaching volleyball next week. Oh, you never knew I was into volleyball—funny cause I wasn’t. Sometimes you just have to do what they tell you, even if it means lying to little kids about your athletic abilities. They don’t need to know, they just need to play. But I am reading a book, so it should be fine.

My spiritual senses are much stronger than they used to be. It has been rather incredible. It turns out that, as described in the Bible, the Holy Spirit is actually an active and working part of reality. I always heard this, tried to believe it, but could not really conceive of it in the way that I needed to for me to make the most of the action of the Spirit. Through learning, study, prayer, and openness, my eyes have been opened to the work of the Spirit. Its intention in my life becomes more and more visible, and there is a rightness to our relationship that I have yearned for without knowing. This new sense has changed everything. I have a whole new role in my life. I am no longer the star of my movie. I am part of a relationship that has been waiting for me my entire life. 'To dance with the Trinity,' is a call that I have not known how to hear until now. I have never been asked to dance in so intimate a way, and I have never wanted to be a part of anything more. This is the most exciting thing in the world to me now.

Not that I intend to just hang around now. The Spirit does not simply exist to get me all excited about being part of something beautiful and then let me hang around in a bubble of peace. My soul has become quite flammable now. As the Spirit pursues my heart and it is opened for the Lord to move in it, our hearts become more and more aligned. My passion becomes more and more the passion of the Lord, and the electricity of Its touch has set my heart on some kind of crazy fire. It is the most pleasant natural disaster I have ever encountered.

So yea, it turns out I really love people. But on my own I am so incapable of reaching them past my insecurities and shortcomings. It also turns out that God totally wants me to love them, so It makes me able. It makes me whole. Not only justified so that I can commune with God, but sanctified so that I can live, in It, the life that I cannot help but love as I grow to know the heart of God.

I am surprised, somehow, that this has become the most important thing. It seems so intense to me, in a life that tries very hard to be simple. And maybe I have let simplicity and intensity mean things far too different for far too long. There is now a focus that allows those two features of my life to co-describe it quite effectively.

And with my eyes on the path set out in my heart everything else settles, like little sparkles in a snow globe. There are pieces of my life that suck, that hurt, that make me angry, frightened, tired. There are big and small joys. There is love, and there is chocolate. And there are books and there is pizza. There are best friends and there are tricky word problems. And there are kids dying in Africa, and there are kids with broken souls who I see every day. And I still yell at them for not getting their homework done or having their shirts tucked in, and I still curse their parents under my breath for thinking it was okay to have kids they could never be responsible enough to raise. And I still capture the best moments with the camera in my head, so I hold on to that rock and roll sunset, and the most gorgeous green eyes in the world, and the funniest kid on the planet, and the sad crazy on the roadside. All of these things are real too.

So you can see where it gets a little tricky. Yes. Oh, no I’d better not have any more coffee, we’re about out of cream and I’ve got to get to work. It’s been good though. Different than I expected, but I have to believe it’s good because it’s real. Thanks for meeting up. Yes, again soon. Certainly.